Below is something I discarded years ago. Feel free to use it.
"Let's say you just dropped a hit of windowpane three hours ago and you're just starting to peak. You know, walls are melting, you're watching the hair grow into the back of your hands, you finally get "Saucerful of Secrets." Then you're crossing a street and you see a giant, throbbing brontosaurus coming toward you and you know you have to fight it or you're never going to come down. So you look around for your magical sword, but it's gone and the brontosaurus is really a milk truck and it's five o'clock in the morning and in the next minute you're dead. Splattered all over the road. Lying there like a piece of firewood."
"That'd be a drag, man," I said, handing the joint back to Jonas. Columbian, but still not great, not at thrity-five an ounce when I was making a buck eighty five at Orange Julius for having to act straight and grind up ice and smile, smile, smile.
"I'm not finished, man," Jonas said. "I'm not even close. The thing is you're dead, right? You're peeking, right? Well, what happens to you when you meet God? Are you still tripping or what? Do you spend all of eternity with acid coursing through your blood and brain and soul? Does heaven have trails when you turn your head? Let's say you 're taken in to see Jesus, all healed up from the crucifixion, do you start to flash back to that Friday afternoon sun when the birds were picking at him and he was dying for all mankind? Would God the Father all of a sudden be like your own father and just seem like a colossal bummer. Since the Bible says that heaven has no time, would your trip ever end or would you just keep on forever at whatever point you were when you died?"
It's scary sometimes how smart Jonas is. He's always thinking about deep stuff and all I ever think about is getting into Kelly Boucher's pants or, if she and I are on the outs, some other girl I met at the mall. Jonas, though, he's like Socrates or Bob Dylan, just keeps churning this stuff out and not even realizing how smart he is. For a fifteen-year-old kid, he is like a national treasure, my treasure, really, because nobody else in this stupid town thinks he's anything more than a geeky punk who smokes too much pot and who talks weird. When we were in eighth grade, he was voted class clown, yet I've never known anyone who was more serious when it came to important things, like feelings and God and music.
"How do you know you'd go to heaven if you were tripping?" I asked. "I mean, God probably isn't really into acid and stuff. I don't think he'd like to have some drooling doper grinding his teeth from strychnine and trying not to laugh or cry."
"You've got to read that Bible I gave you," said Jonas. "God only cares whether you've accepted Jesus as your personal saviour and let him take away your sins. He doesn't care what you've done, as long as you've sincerely asked Jesus into your heart. I've been a Christian since I was eight and I know God is going to take me. Just like the prodigal son, he'll welcome me and have a party.
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
A Podcast of Note
I've really enjoyed the Conspiracy Podcast, and am disappointed it ceased podication.
Friday, April 27, 2007
Caretaking Poem
A man attached to the ground,
table hockey with no particular goal,
stares at the ground.
Caretaking. Taking care. Take. Care.
Stone upon stone, stick from path, caretaking.
In a glade, a small, stone bowl
Mud, leaves, muck.
Bend, scrape, pluck.
Clean. Water. Flows.
Blue, cold,warmth, thirst, gone.
A man attached to the ground,
table hockey with no particular goal,
looks up at the sky. A leaf falls.
Into the fountain.
Caretaking.
table hockey with no particular goal,
stares at the ground.
Caretaking. Taking care. Take. Care.
Stone upon stone, stick from path, caretaking.
In a glade, a small, stone bowl
Mud, leaves, muck.
Bend, scrape, pluck.
Clean. Water. Flows.
Blue, cold,warmth, thirst, gone.
A man attached to the ground,
table hockey with no particular goal,
looks up at the sky. A leaf falls.
Into the fountain.
Caretaking.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Assignments to be sorted/edited
Interactive Poetry. Interactive Art.
I’m sure that all of you are familiar with haiku. While there are few hard and fast rules, usually haiku has the following:
1) Three lines
2) 17 syllables
3) An arrangement of 5, 7 and 5 syllables.
Your task as a group is to write haiku to illustrate each of the attached pictures. Please go crazy. While refraining from any inappropriate themes. There will be a second part, but you can’t get to it until you’ve done the first.
Please put each haiku on a separate sheet of typing paper. Thanks.
Also, please focus on the picture not the words. Thanks.
New Century; New Millennium; New Stuff
You were lucky enough to be born into the end of the twentieth century. Instead of outhouses, we have port-a-potties; instead of watching the fire burn at night, we have MTV; instead of public executions, we have Jack Kevorkian on 60 minutes.
Wait a second. I can see I'm starting out wrong. Let me begin again. You have been lucky enough to be born into the end of the twentieth century. We have many inventions that have made our lives easier. The downside to being born so late in the game is that it is a lot harder to be truly original today. Sometimes it seems that all the great thoughts have been thought and the great songs sung.
NONSENSE! In fact, today we will prove that originality and creativity are still possible. Today, each and every one of us will
do something never thought of or seen in
the history of
the funky western civilization!
Each person will choose an activity that has never before been attempted in history, and perform this activity on camera. You may involve as many people as you like, but each of us must come up with an idea. This project may be turned into a weekly public abscess television. Or not.
Some examples:
--Singing the Alphabet Song with your head underwater in the sink.
--Calling the operator to get directions to Detroit
--Telling the story of the three little pigs in Pig Latin
--Cutting your fingernails while playing Hacky Sack
You get the idea. If there is one.
Oh, yes. There is a prize for the most creative and original idea. The prize is cash.
Capping the Quote
Each of the following is the beginning of a not-so-well-known phrase or quotation. As a group, please complete the quote, with as much flair, originality and creativity as possible. We will read the answers at the end; if your group recognizes the correct answer, you will get a point. If other groups choose yours, you will get a point. Capiche?
1. It is easier to fight for one's principles than
2. The most important things to do in the world are to get something to eat, something to drink and
3. Friendship is like money,
4. He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask
5. Don't talk unless you
6. Nothing is particularly hard if
7. In times like these, it is helpful to remember that there have always been
8. In the fight between you and the world,
9. Conscience is the inner voice that warns us
10. The trouble with the rat-race is that
11. It is better to die on your feet than
It is easier to fight for one's principles than
to live up to them—Alfred Adler
The most important things to do in the world are to get something to eat, something to drink and
somebody to love you. - Brendan Behan
Friendship is like money,
easier made than kept. - Samuel Butler
He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask
remains a fool forever. - Chinese proverb
Don't talk unless you
can improve the silence. - Laurence Coughlin
Nothing is particularly hard if
you divide it into small jobs. - Henry Ford
In times like these, it is helpful to remember that there have always been
times like these. - Paul Harvey
In the fight between you and the world,
back the world. - Franz Kafka
Conscience is the inner voice that warns us
that someone might be looking. - H. L. Mencken
The trouble with the rat-race is that
even if you win, you're still a rat. - Lily Tomlin
It is better to die on your feet than
to live on your knees! - Emiliano Zapata
Fanning the Flames of Poetry
Please finish each of these sentences. Once you have completed this, we will talk in small groups about what we have written. After this discussion, each person will create one poem in any format.
When I was little
The first time I ever
If I hadn't done that, then I'd still be
I wish my mother had told me about
The last time I
Once I brush my teeth and get dressed, I've got to
If my father had only
If I were a teacher
If I had a million dollars
One night when the lights went out
It wastwo minutes after blastoff when
I couldn't open the door because
My hair stood on end as
I feel proud when
I hope I'll never
I often worry about
I feel bad when
I was never so embarrassed as when
I wish people wouldn't...
Viva Las Vegas
P.T. Barnum said, “There’s a sucker born every minute.” Today is your chance to prove it. Each person has been given $50 in KSOFA bucks—Three tens, three fives and five ones. For the next 15 minutes, you will have a chance to take other suckers’ money through bets in the following five areas:
Rock, Paper, Scissors Flipping a coin
Thumb wrestling Holding breath the longest
Tic-tac-toe Standing on one leg the longest
There are only a few rules:
1) You must accept any challenge
2) All bets are sudden death; no best two out of three
3) In the coin toss, the challenger must have a coin and is always “heads”
4) In tic-tac-toe, a tie goes to the person who was challenged
10 Bucks 10 Bucks 10 Bucks
5 Bucks 5 Bucks 5 Bucks
1 Buck 1 Buck 1 Buck
1 Buck 1 Buck
I’m sure that all of you are familiar with haiku. While there are few hard and fast rules, usually haiku has the following:
1) Three lines
2) 17 syllables
3) An arrangement of 5, 7 and 5 syllables.
Your task as a group is to write haiku to illustrate each of the attached pictures. Please go crazy. While refraining from any inappropriate themes. There will be a second part, but you can’t get to it until you’ve done the first.
Please put each haiku on a separate sheet of typing paper. Thanks.
Also, please focus on the picture not the words. Thanks.
New Century; New Millennium; New Stuff
You were lucky enough to be born into the end of the twentieth century. Instead of outhouses, we have port-a-potties; instead of watching the fire burn at night, we have MTV; instead of public executions, we have Jack Kevorkian on 60 minutes.
Wait a second. I can see I'm starting out wrong. Let me begin again. You have been lucky enough to be born into the end of the twentieth century. We have many inventions that have made our lives easier. The downside to being born so late in the game is that it is a lot harder to be truly original today. Sometimes it seems that all the great thoughts have been thought and the great songs sung.
NONSENSE! In fact, today we will prove that originality and creativity are still possible. Today, each and every one of us will
do something never thought of or seen in
the history of
the funky western civilization!
Each person will choose an activity that has never before been attempted in history, and perform this activity on camera. You may involve as many people as you like, but each of us must come up with an idea. This project may be turned into a weekly public abscess television. Or not.
Some examples:
--Singing the Alphabet Song with your head underwater in the sink.
--Calling the operator to get directions to Detroit
--Telling the story of the three little pigs in Pig Latin
--Cutting your fingernails while playing Hacky Sack
You get the idea. If there is one.
Oh, yes. There is a prize for the most creative and original idea. The prize is cash.
Capping the Quote
Each of the following is the beginning of a not-so-well-known phrase or quotation. As a group, please complete the quote, with as much flair, originality and creativity as possible. We will read the answers at the end; if your group recognizes the correct answer, you will get a point. If other groups choose yours, you will get a point. Capiche?
1. It is easier to fight for one's principles than
2. The most important things to do in the world are to get something to eat, something to drink and
3. Friendship is like money,
4. He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask
5. Don't talk unless you
6. Nothing is particularly hard if
7. In times like these, it is helpful to remember that there have always been
8. In the fight between you and the world,
9. Conscience is the inner voice that warns us
10. The trouble with the rat-race is that
11. It is better to die on your feet than
It is easier to fight for one's principles than
to live up to them—Alfred Adler
The most important things to do in the world are to get something to eat, something to drink and
somebody to love you. - Brendan Behan
Friendship is like money,
easier made than kept. - Samuel Butler
He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask
remains a fool forever. - Chinese proverb
Don't talk unless you
can improve the silence. - Laurence Coughlin
Nothing is particularly hard if
you divide it into small jobs. - Henry Ford
In times like these, it is helpful to remember that there have always been
times like these. - Paul Harvey
In the fight between you and the world,
back the world. - Franz Kafka
Conscience is the inner voice that warns us
that someone might be looking. - H. L. Mencken
The trouble with the rat-race is that
even if you win, you're still a rat. - Lily Tomlin
It is better to die on your feet than
to live on your knees! - Emiliano Zapata
Fanning the Flames of Poetry
Please finish each of these sentences. Once you have completed this, we will talk in small groups about what we have written. After this discussion, each person will create one poem in any format.
When I was little
The first time I ever
If I hadn't done that, then I'd still be
I wish my mother had told me about
The last time I
Once I brush my teeth and get dressed, I've got to
If my father had only
If I were a teacher
If I had a million dollars
One night when the lights went out
It wastwo minutes after blastoff when
I couldn't open the door because
My hair stood on end as
I feel proud when
I hope I'll never
I often worry about
I feel bad when
I was never so embarrassed as when
I wish people wouldn't...
Viva Las Vegas
P.T. Barnum said, “There’s a sucker born every minute.” Today is your chance to prove it. Each person has been given $50 in KSOFA bucks—Three tens, three fives and five ones. For the next 15 minutes, you will have a chance to take other suckers’ money through bets in the following five areas:
Rock, Paper, Scissors Flipping a coin
Thumb wrestling Holding breath the longest
Tic-tac-toe Standing on one leg the longest
There are only a few rules:
1) You must accept any challenge
2) All bets are sudden death; no best two out of three
3) In the coin toss, the challenger must have a coin and is always “heads”
4) In tic-tac-toe, a tie goes to the person who was challenged
10 Bucks 10 Bucks 10 Bucks
5 Bucks 5 Bucks 5 Bucks
1 Buck 1 Buck 1 Buck
1 Buck 1 Buck
New Traditions
Traditions
K-SOFA means welcoming new students and helping them understand their place in history.
As you know, we have a number of traditions which each and every new student has lived through. To review a few of them:
➢ New students are required to tell about the last time they cried in public
➢ New students are required to provide snacks for staff and old students on their second day in the program
➢ New students are required to sing a favorite song
➢ New students are required to tell the rest of the group something they have never told anyone else
➢ New students are required to dance the “Dance of Newness”
Unfortunately, I can’t remember all of the traditions, so I need your help. Please write down, in the space below, between one and three traditions which have been left out.
If you are a new student, please add a tradition of your own.
K-SOFA means welcoming new students and helping them understand their place in history.
As you know, we have a number of traditions which each and every new student has lived through. To review a few of them:
➢ New students are required to tell about the last time they cried in public
➢ New students are required to provide snacks for staff and old students on their second day in the program
➢ New students are required to sing a favorite song
➢ New students are required to tell the rest of the group something they have never told anyone else
➢ New students are required to dance the “Dance of Newness”
Unfortunately, I can’t remember all of the traditions, so I need your help. Please write down, in the space below, between one and three traditions which have been left out.
If you are a new student, please add a tradition of your own.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Where are all the Greeenland Readers?
I know I'm not being reasonable, but I'd really like someone in Greenland to read my words and, I hope, respond. I know the Golden Age of Greenland ended a few centuries ago, but there must be dial-up access or something. If any reader can find me a Greenlander to read and respond, I will buy the reader and the responder a cup of coffee. Really.
Name that Poet--and Poem--and Win a Cup of Coffee
Using Babelfish, I translated this poem from English to German and back. It was written by a well-known American poet. Name her or him and the title of the poem and I'll buy you a cup of coffee. Really.
I was, which knows the night. I have expired in rains -- and back in the rain. I have outwalked the furthest city light. I have down the saddest city way geschauen. I exceeded by the protection on its effect and mean eyes, which were dropped, in order to explain averse. I become still and the clay/tone of the feet, as far cry houses of another road behind stopped, away interrupted, went, but I not back call or legends good-bye well-known; And you still promote on one unearthly height, were O Luminarytaktgeber against the sky, which was proclaimed the time, neither still quite wrongly. I was, which knows the night.
I was, which knows the night. I have expired in rains -- and back in the rain. I have outwalked the furthest city light. I have down the saddest city way geschauen. I exceeded by the protection on its effect and mean eyes, which were dropped, in order to explain averse. I become still and the clay/tone of the feet, as far cry houses of another road behind stopped, away interrupted, went, but I not back call or legends good-bye well-known; And you still promote on one unearthly height, were O Luminarytaktgeber against the sky, which was proclaimed the time, neither still quite wrongly. I was, which knows the night.
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